So yeah.
That “fresh start” I wrote about in April.
Didn’t really happen.
The last year was crap. Not dramatic crap, just the kind that slowly drains you.
Energy, focus, motivation. Gone.
I started this new job. Great team, seriously.
But everything else? Chaos. No structure. No deadlines. No one followed up on anything.
So many “we should plan this” or “let’s talk about that” — but it never happened. Not once.
At some point I started thinking half the team had ADHD too.
Which would explain a lot. But still didn’t help.
I stopped doing everything that usually I love doing.
I didn’t take photos. I didn’t write. I didn’t plan anything.
I had ideas, sure, but they just floated around and I couldn’t start.
And after work I came home and crashed. That was it.
Some days I honestly needed medication just to make it through the day without falling apart.
Then the contract ended.
I left town the next day to visit my partner. That helped a lot.
I felt like something lifted.
Not everything, but enough.
And now, even without a job yet, I feel more like myself again.
I’ve got ideas and I feel a lot lighter. Much more creative and not as foggy.
I also managed to sort out a few things, like medical stuff, which would have felt impossible a month ago.
So yeah.
Still here. Kind of.
I am trying to stay close to whatever this is.
I feel like I am in a better place to write from anyway.
Just a note, by the way,
this blog is not about ranting.
Things go sideways sometimes and brains get loud.
But I’m not here to complain.
I’m here because I like being alive, even when it’s weird and messy.
And I believe there’s a lot of good stuff to notice, even on the off days.
That’s the vibe I want to keep around here.
